Kevin… an average, slightly blubbery, somewhat bubbly gamer with a penchant for dual-wielding pistols, running up the side of walls and kicking the tin-metal butts of killer cyborgs is the star of the new live-action trailer for Call of Duty: Black Ops 3.
The trailer isn’t just any ‘ole trailer for Call of Duty, it’s the game’s launch trailer. The title features the puffy Kevin throughout most of it, with Michael B. Jordan from that abominable Fantastic Four reboot and the upcoming Creed film. You can check it out below, courtesy of GamersFTW.
While Kevin pulls off some awesome, Matrix-style wall-runs, melee attacks and flip attacks, a lot of that stuff you can’t actually do in the game. Well, yeah… you can run on the wall and you can unleash nanomachines to infect and destroy opponents, but you can’t quite do it the way Kevin does it. Of course… Kevin doesn’t get to do it for long because he gets killed by Kara. Oops, spoiler alert!
Oh, you thought Kevin, the presumably straight-white male would get to actually star throughout the entire commercial? Sorry, this isn’t the 1980s, 1990s or the early 00s… progressives killed any chance of just having a straight-laced commercial from start to finish without any diversity quota being met.
To be fair to Call of Duty, though, the game’s live-action trailers have oftentimes favored the whole diverse cast of characters. Although usually they don’t attempt to undermine their main star with some sort of social agenda based around the latest flavor of the month. The live-action trailer starring Sam Worthington and Jonah Hill was just about a newb becoming l33t, and the one with Chris Evans was basically just a group of newbs getting help from a veteran to kick butt and take names.
This latest trailer is all about puffing up the typical gamer just to show that they aren’t all that anymore.
Expect next year’s live-action trailer to feature a wheelchair-bound Maori crochet champion, who is an anti-pronoun pansexual.
You can look to grab Call of Duty: Black Ops 3 on November 6th for the old and haggled seventh gen consoles and the fresh and spec-deficient new-gen consoles…. oh, and for PC, too.